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BATTLING THE FILTH IN TODAY'S MUSIC

BATTLING THE FILTH IN TODAY'S MUSIC

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A man who said he had two teenaged daughters wrote and asked if I would comment on, as he put it, ``The filth they're selling as music these days.'

So happy to oblige, and I must agree with the man that the filth they are selling as music these days isn't really music, just a guy with a deep voice saying a lot of dirty words while somebody beats on a barrel with a 2-iron and somebody else kills a cat in the background.Music at least should have a tune so you can hum it while you kill a cat.

Also, the man who wrote isn't the only person who is concerned about the filth they are selling as music these days.

The governor of Florida is concerned, for instance. He wants the state's prosecutor to find a way to keep a recording by something called 2 Live Crew away from minors.

I saw a photograph of 2 Live Crew in the paper. They were four young men who looked more like somebody's starting backfield than a recording group, but what do I know?

Bette Midler looks more like a linebacker than a singer, but she did a pretty good job on ``Wind Beneath My Wings.'

2 Live Crew has a blockbuster hit out titled, ``Me So Horny.' I have never heard the recording, but the Washington Post called it, ``A misogynist's catalog of aggressive sexual acts, delivered in lewd and lurid detail.'

Translated, that means the lyrics are so filthy you would be appalled if you heard them, thus making your teenaged daughters drool for the first opportunity to get their hot little ears on them, too.

What I think is people like the governor of Florida and the man who wrote me are wasting their time.

That's because there is an ageless equation that goes, ``Nothing sells like controversy.'

There's this guy in New York named Bernie, see. He works for a record label. He wears a toupee and a jewelry store around his neck.

When 2 Live Crew first brought their recording to him, it was titled, ``The Wind in Your Hair.'

But Bernie's smart. He said to 2 Live Crew, ``That won't sell eight copies. Call it 'Me So Horny' and make it filthy and get back to me in 30 minutes.'

So, 2 Live Crew puts out a misogynist's catalog of aggressive sexual acts, delivered in lewd and lurid detail, parents get upset, the governor of Florida gets upset, and kids flock to record stores to buy it, and Bernie gets rich and the recording group gets rich.

Legislation won't stop the aforementioned equation from working. All that will stop it is to ignore 2 Live Crew and ``Me So Horny,' thus taking away the thrill your kids get when they listen to such.

That way, your children will go back to dyeing their hair orange, or whatever else they can think of to drive you crazy, and 2 Live Crew will sign with Clemson and Bernie will have to find a real job.

Like being a pimp.

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