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The Joke's On You for 122614

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Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com by noon Wednesday, 123014

Welcome to the News & Record’s “Jokes on You” page. Here is this week’s cartoon for your caption consideration, and last week’s cartoon and entries for you amusement (see below). Feel free to post comments and ask questions.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MY CAPTIONERS!

And here’s your chance to get in a parting shot on anything that bugged you about this year.

Last week’s cartoon was the Santa on trial cartoon. This week’s cartoon - the one you’ll be writing captions for – is Father time 2014.

LAST WEEK’S WINNER

”Will you please tell the court just HOW you see them when they’re sleeping?”

Bob Langlais, Kernersville

RUNNERS-UP

”You expect us to believe Rudolph’s nose is lit, and he isn’t?”

Scott Tredwell, Advance

“Did you or did you not promise my client a pony?!”

Tim Tribbett

“Would you please tell the court why you were speeding?”

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

“Answer the question for goodness sake!”

Pat Foley, Homer Glen, Ill.

"So, if you know what children everywhere are doing, how is this not stalking?"

 Hal Koger, McLeansville

“All the people on your been-bad list are bringing a class-action suit!”

John Koppel, Greensboro

“Santa, St. Nick ... how many aliases do you have?”

Bill Wallace, High Point

“’Ho ho ho’ is not an answer.”

SJ Martin, Reidsville

JUNIOR WINNER

THE JUDGES ALSO LIKED (but, sorry, ran out of room in the newspaper … )

"Forget the miracle on 34th Street - explain the reindeer droppings on I-40."

"You call it 'visits'; we call it 'home invasions.'"

"You can't just blow though the TSA checkpoints."

"So, you didn't use the White House chimney...you just walked right in?"

Scott Tredwell, Advance

Leaving my client coal has caused irreversible psychological trauma!

Tim Tribbett

-------------------------------

BEST INSIDE JOKE

This caption must end in an exclamation point!

Aww, shoot! In last week’s snowman in a casket I should have used the word “vape” in a caption.

Kurt Gubitz, Chicago

Of course you're breaking and entering! Every "Jokes On You" captioner says it is!

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Do you deny spilling hot coffee on last week's snowman?.

Henry, Greensboro

And where were you during last week's caption?

Ddowning

Isn't it true that it was RUDOLPH who told the Snow Man to take that Salty road that led to his death.

Jim Lowry, High Point

"What?  No early deadline?  Isn't this Christmas week?"

"Maybe next year, he'll bring you a mouth and a toupee for Christmas, your honor!"

"I don't mean to be rude, but, it's the day after Christmas!  Why are you still here?"

"The judge and I asked you to bring us fingers for Christmas, but you didn't deliver!"

“Well, OK!  Thank you for the perfectly parted hair you brought me for Christmas!"

"No!  You're not real!  You're just a drawing by Tim Rickard!"

"I don't care what you say!  I don't believe that the Christmas Eve deadline is real, and that the Joke's on You judge here is going to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day sorting out all of these entries for publication on the Day After Christmas!"

"Well, let's put it this way.  You were the last one who saw Frosty alive!"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE

You’re not the real Edmund Gwynn!

Je’claus!

Kurt Gubitz, Chicago

Was that your reindeer that ran over Grandma?

Ddowning

Do you know anything about a Red Ryder BB Gun ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Haven't I seen this movie before?  Oh, yeah!  I remember!  It was, "Miracle on 34th Street!"

"I caught him having an argument with Will Farrell over whether or not he's the real Santa!"

"Coca-Cola has reported you as Missing In Action!"

"Aren't you special?  You have a town in Indiana named after you!"

"You're the Santa Claus portrayed by Billy Bob Thornton!"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

You do know that you're just a caricature created by Thomas Nast, don't you?

Mike Perry, Eden

After so many years, why are you suing the Coca-Cola Company for copyright infringement?

Mike Perry, Eden

Confess!  You know where she is -  and by she, I mean Olive.  Olive, the other reindeer!

Mike Perry, Eden

A great show

OUCH!

"He's got way too much time on his hands!  He's the Oak Hollow Mall Santa!"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

BEST/WORST PUNS

He backed out of an agreement to assist the tooth fairy! HE CAN'T HANDLE THE TOOTH!

Tim Tribbett

“Why are you afraid of getting stuck in chimneys? Do you have Santa Claustrophobia?”

“Have you had your yearly flue shot?”

“So you saw a cat walking on the beach and it had sandy claws?”

“Are you saying that your nationality is North Polish?”

“Your employees claim that they have low elf esteem.”

Jim Ertner, Greensboro

Forensics show the victim died from natural Clauses!

Tim Tribbett

You use of innocent reindeer, my dear Mister Claus, is nothing but a case of "sleigh labor!"

Mike Perry, Eden

BEST POEMS

It's a movie most people call sweet.

Here's a scene that just cannot be beat.

     What you're seeing so clear?

     There's a miracle here,

It's the one down on 34th Street.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Santa has a new Sleighs,

Now he will never lose his way.

It has a GPS hooked to Rudolph's nose,

Now He is on time where ever he goes.

Santa can now get back home,

In time to see the break of dawn.

Don Rankin, Greensboro

SCHOOL/JR. ENTRIES (elementary / middle school)

Schools out for winter break.

-----------

THE REST

You’re not the real Edmund Gwynn!

Kurt Gubitz, Chicago

You can’t wear white after Labor Day!

This caption must end in an exclamation point!

Je’claus!

Kurt Gubitz, Chicago

J’claus!

Kurt Gubitz, Chicago

Then you admit you’ve never had a pilots license!

New York regulations prohibit the reindeers this year.

Chimneys are not dive cleaners.

Kurt Gubitz, Chicago

Mrs. Claus has a lengthy naughty list on you.

Joan Lux, Greensboro

Your mug shot shows that's not a real beard.

 Joan Lux, Greensboro

1.  "Posting a naughty/nice list on the internet is cyberbullying!"

2.  "I suggest that monitoring sleeping and awake children is creepy at best!"

3.  "The NSA is concerned that you may monitor behaviors more than they do!"

4.  "Is it true that Republicans are bribing you to visit only the top 1%?"

5.  "Tell the court precisely where you were on December 24th."

6.  "I regard my wish list as a contract.  I wanted a PS4...I got a dadgum slinky!"

7.  "Your lead reindeer looked like W. C. Fields - hence the FUI charge!"

8.  "Elves, overworked and underpaid.  Reindeer, unvaccinated.  You, no flight plan."

9.  "So, you're in too much of a hurry to scoop up after your reindeer?"

10.  "Who gave you permission to bar hop while a drone delivered your gifts?"

11.  "Too much milk and cookies is no excuse for the size of your carbon footprint."

12.  "One more time...mistletoe, liplocking 100 million mommies...."

13.  "So, how long have you be trafficking in roofies?"

14.  "Forget the miracle on 34th Street - explain the reindeer droppings on I-40."

15.  "Why are you photobombing Mrs. Claus while she's taking elfies?"

16.  "You expect us to believe Rudolph's nose is lit, and he isn't?"

17.  "If a bird strike caused your sleigh to crash, why didn't you call Sully?"

18.  "You can't polar vortext while operating a sleigh!"

19.  "OK, 34th Street is 1 miracle.  What other 2 justified your 'saint' status?"

20.  "You can't just blow though the TSA checkpoints."

21.  "The jury will not believe you invaded all these homes without helpers."

Scott Tredwell, Advance

1.  "Is it true, Kris, that every time you eat a donut an elf gets diabetes?"

2.  "Remember, no immunity unless you testify against the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny."

3.  "There are limits to the number of Ho's you're allowed."

Scott Tredwell, Advance

Please define "naughty"!

Tim Tribbett

Did you or did you not promise my client a pony?!

Tim Tribbett

Where were you on the night of December 25th?!

Tim Tribbett

1.  "Just how long have you been involved in these fly-by-night operations?"

2.  "Mr. Claus, or should we call you Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas,

Sinterklaas, Kris Kringle...or some other alias?"

Scott Tredwell, Advance

"OK, so you couldn't squeeze in the Port A Potty, then what happened?"

Scott Tredwell, Advance

"You call it 'visits'; we call it 'home invasions.'"

Scott Tredwell, Advance

Of course you're breaking and entering! Every "Jokes On You" captioner says it is!

How come you're not paying your elves at least $15 an hour?

So do you go by other aliases like St. Nicholas? Kris Kringle? Father Christmas?

Where were you on the night of December 24th? And don't say "Everywhere!"

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Admit it.  You played with all of those toys.

Joan Lux, Greensboro

Just a little eggnog at the last house?  I think not.

Joan Lux, Greensboro

You've been accused of "Breaking and entering".

Tim Tribbett

Mr. Claus entered into a binding oral contract when he promised Billy an Xbox!

Tim Tribbett

Leaving my client coal has caused irreversible psychological trauma!

Tim Tribbett

"Where were you on the night of December 24?"

Bob Beitzel, Greensboro

"OK, so you and the reindeer crash land at Donner Pass...then what happened?"

Scott Tredwell, Advance

"So, how long have you been trafficking in roofies?"

Scott Tredwell, Advance

1.  "So, you didn't use the White House chimney...you just walked right in?"

2.  "Are you claiming the snow was yellow before you arrived?"

Scott Tredwell, Advance

Is that beard for real ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Three lady elves heard you say, "HO! HO! HO!" That's sexual harassment!

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Would you please tell the court why you were speeding ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

How many home invasions have you committed ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

It shows, you wanted your cake and ice-cream too !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"A plea bargain would be a jolly deal here!"

"Are you aware you cannot fly without a license?"

"Breaking and entering, for starters!"

"Endangering wildlife is a misdemeanor!"

"Santa Claus won't be going anywhere tonight!"

John Koppel, Greensboro

He stops at nothing, not even red lights !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Were you, or were you not, packing, when you crossed the border ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

So you claim Nabisco's cookies caused your obesity?

Tim Tribbett

Were you texting the night your sleigh collided with the 747?

Tim Tribbett

"Do you admit mixing up the naughty and nice lists?"

Harvey Herman, Greensboro

We’re not playing any reindeer games!

Chris Kringle, naught!

Michelle says you set a bad example of nutrition to kids.

The reality on 34th  Street is all those letters addressed to “Santa” were lost.

Aww, shoot! In last week’s snowman in a casket I should have used the word “vape” in a caption.

Kurt Gubitz, Chicago

Do you deny that you were caught kissing little Jimmy's mother?

Your DNA was on the BB gin  that little Jimmy tried to rob that Bank with.

Don Rankin, Greensboro

Did you actually see Grinch steal Christmas ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Elf Union rules say they don't have to clean reindeer stables.

You owe the elves back pay for cleaning the reindeer stables.

The elves know that the NLRB stands up for the little guy.

Joan Lux, Greensboro

The judge is not prejudiced because you left coal in his stocking for years.

 Joan Lux, Greensboro

"So, if you know what children everywhere are doing, how is this not stalking?"

 Hal Koger, McLeansville

Tell the court your full name and any aliases you use.

You win the prize today for the most aliases .

Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Answer the question for goodness sake!"

"Did you, or did you not, 'sleigh' Grandma Jones on Christmas Eve?"

"The court decides who's naughty or nice, Mr. Claus, not YOU!"

"Do you deny leaving Hickey's Pub just before the horrific accident on Chestnut street?"

"Twelve kids will never see their grandma again, all because you were 'running late'!"

Pat Foley, Homer Glen, Il.

I put it to you that it is very suspicious that you only dangle the young children!

You say you kneed all youngsters?

How do you plead to keeping reindeer in very cold conditions?

So you expect the Court to believe that you travel the whole World in one evening?

You admit to causing at least one reindeer to wear a funny red nose-thing?

Keith Peddie, Greensboro

You should know a "Venison Steak Sale" the day after Christmas is not a good idea!

Mike Perry, Eden

"Sir, your overloaded sleigh fails FAA regulations!" or

"Next time stick with Coke before driving!"

Barbara Brubaker of Greensboro

Do you deny spilling hot coffee on last week's snowman?.

Henry, Greensboro

Your honor I object. Rudolph is leading the witness!

Tim Tribbett

He backed out of an agreement to assist the tooth fairy! HE CAN'T HANDLE THE TOOTH!

Tim Tribbett

Mr. Claus, you do realize you are being charged with 826,491,632 charges of breaking and entering?

Mike Perry, Eden

"And you only stopped kissing Mrs. Keaton when her son caught you!"

"Later on, you conspired to rob the department store!"

"And when you couldn't find the cookies you decked the Halls' son!"

Pat Foley, Homer Glen, Il.

Is it true you've been sliding down chimneys for centuries?

Show me the "kid fax"!

There will be no jolly good times mister where you're headed.

I suggest the court gives you 1000 hours of community service at the local mall.

Just how many times did you say the word "ho"?

Steve Nance, Gibsonville

Just answer HO, HO, or NO. NO, OK ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Do you profile kids as naughty or nice, yes or no ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Did you bring the coal ash to Duke ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

  Say Happy Holidays, not Merry Christmas, in this court, OK ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Is it true that on Boxing Day you often regift ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

PETA says you treat Rudolph special, why ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Then you agree, "If you see it in The Sun, it's so."

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Is it St. Nick or Santa Claus ? Who are you ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Why does Mrs. Claus's pole dancing upset you so ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

What kind of interrogation techniques did you use on the kids ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Which kid called you Fatso ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Can you identify which reindeer ran over you ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

And where were you during last week's caption?

Was that your reindeer that ran over Grandma?

Santa, what the fa la la?

ddowning

So you claim UPS and FEDEX are under-cutting you?

You are accused by USPS of taking their rightful business opportunities.

You say you need a whole fleet of delivery drones?

You are accused of:-

Jolly old elf impersonation,

dangling unknown children on your knees,

making promises that you didn’t intend to keep,

pampering to children’s wishes,

keeping animals in extreme frigid temperatures,

& flying without air-traffic control permission.

‘Ho,ho,ho’ is not a sufficient defense?

Keith Peddie, Greensboro

1)  "Where were you on the night of December 24th?"

2)   "OK, Chimney Boy, give the court one good reason you shouldn't be convicted of multiple illegal entries!?"                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Larry Parrish,  Eden

Are you an NSA employee?

Henry, Greensboro

"Do you deny that you and those reindeer were doing 50 in a 35MPH zone?"

Luther Jackson, Stoneville

HO HO HO IS NOT AN ANSWER

I CHECKED MY LIST....YOU HAVE BEEN NAUGHTY

THE ELVES WANT SHORTER WORK DAYS

 you cannot say my client has a belly that shakes like a bowl of jelly

Sj martin, Reidsville

Do you know anything about a Red Ryder BB Gun ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Did you, or did you not, have venison for dinner ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Aha, finally, we see you, we see you in court !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

But you are infringing upon Thanksgiving and Halloween !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Will you please tell the court just HOW you see them when they're sleeping?"

Bob Langlais, Kernersville

Santa has a new Sleighs,

Now he will never lose his way.

It has a GPS hooked to Rudolph's nose,

Now He is on time where ever he goes.

Santa can now get back home,

In time to see the break of dawn.

Don Rankin, Greensboro

And what alibi can give us for the evening of the 24th?

Mike Perry, Eden

Sleeping or awake- you're quite the voyeur, aren' t you?

Mie Perry, Eden

The charge is breaking and entering, but you simply say you got stuck!

Mike Perry, Eden

 Yes, we know it's summer and hot in South American, but it doesn't give you the right to go commando!

Mike Perry, Eden

“Why are you afraid of getting stuck in chimneys? Do you have Santa Claustrophobia?”

“Have you had your yearly flue shot?”

“So you saw a cat walking on the beach and it had sandy claws?”

“Are you saying that your nationality is North Polish?”

“Your employees claim that they have low elf esteem.”

Jim Ertner, Greensboro

1)  Isn't it true that it was RUDOLPH who told the Snow Man to take that Salty road that led to his death.

2)  Santa Claus is coming to Town………your cell phone indicated that You Never left the North Pole

3)  Again and again she was Naughty ………and she still got her LIST!!!!!

Jim Lowry

Santa Bob did you cause traffic to slow down in your area of Greensboro? Good Job.

 Don Rankin

Do you deny that your reindeer caused extensive damage to my client's roof?

Tim Tribbett

You abandoned your reindeer due to flatulence! You can't handle the toots!

Tim Tribbett

Just WHAT were you doing in the Goldberg's house on Christmas eve?

Tim Tribbett

If chosen for jury duty do you have any prior knowledge of the defendant being naughty?

Tim Tribbett

We know exactly where your were during the crime thanks to tracking cookies!

Tim Tribbett

Do you work for the NSA?!

Tim Tribbett

Did you threaten to bring Mr. Smith's son a drum set unless he paid a hefty bribe?

Tim Tribbett

Forensics show the victim died from natural Clauses!

Tim Tribbett

Did you or did you not go down the chimney ?

Do you deny the charges of breaking and entering ?

Your honor, this man is an imposter   

Were you on the rooftop ?

Ho, ho, ho is not an answer

Where were you on the night of Dec 24th ?

What exactly is your occupation ?

We caught you red-handed

And you say your mode of travel is a sleigh ?

What were you doing with all those gifts ?

Exactly how many children sat on your lap ?

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

"All the people on your been-bad list are bringing a class-action suit!"

John Koppel, Greensboro

"What qualifies you to distinquish between naughty and nice?"

My client was promised a bike which he did not receive.

What makes you think you are exempt from filing  tax returns?

The milk and cookies were meant for you, not the ham  in the fridge.

Knowing when we're sleeping or awake is an invasion of privacy.

Did you or did you not take aerial reconnaissance photos while flying over North Korea?

It's called "promissory estoppel" Mr. Claus, look it up.

David Core, Greensboro

Ha, so you admit you only checked the list ONCE!

Tim Tribbett

#1: When you point your finger at another, three fingers point back at you!

#2: Haven't I seen this movie before?  Oh, yeah!  I remember!  It was, "Miracle on 34th Street!"

#3: "Be careful!  The judge is about to gavel me on top of the head!"

#4: "It was him!  I saw him in there burglarizing the house!  But he tried to give me some lame excuse about being there to deliver Christmas presents!"

#5: "He was in there stealing milk and cookies, as if he needed to be eating more of those!"

#6: "What?  No early deadline?  Isn't this Christmas week?"

#7: "He has at least three aliases!  Kris Kringle!  Santa Claus!  Saint Nicholas!  This dude can't make up his mind who he is!"

#8: "Maybe next year, he'll bring you a mouth and a toupee for Christmas, your honor!"

#9: "He kept insisting on coming into my house to give my kids Christmas presents, even though I kept telling him, 'I got this!'"

#10: "I don't mean to be rude, but, it's the day after Christmas!  Why are you still here?"

#11: "This man is accused of disturbing the peace!  He was riding around all night long in his sleigh and yelling, 'Merry Christmas!  Merry Christmas!'  The neighbors kept yelling to him, 'Dude, shut up!  We're trying to sleep!'"

#12: "I know how we can test whether or not this man's telling the truth!  Pull his beard!"

#14: "He was delivering defective toys!  They've all already broken by now!"

#15: "He's not the real Santa Claus!  He's B. F. Skinner trying to scare kids!"

#16: "He's got way too much time on his hands!  He's the Oak Hollow Mall Santa!"

#17: "Where's Prancer?"

#18: "I caught him having an argument with Will Farrell over whether or not he's the real Santa!"

#19: "My little boy was singing about how he saw Mommy kissing this guy!"

#20: "The judge and I asked you to bring us fingers for Christmas, but you didn't deliver!"

#21: "I accuse this man of soliciting for prostitution!  He kept walking up and down the street, shouting, 'Ho!  Ho!  Ho!'"

#22: "We'll let you off with a warning this time, but, remember!  Young girls get creeped out when you go around asking them to sit on your lap!"

#23: "Well, OK!  Thank you for the perfectly parted hair you brought me for Christmas!"

#24: "You want to help?  Then bring Carolina a win today in the Quick Lane Bowl!"

#25: "You brought me coal for Christmas, but that's OK, because I'm going to burn it to stay warm!"

#26: "Coca-Cola has reported you as Missing In Action!"

#27: "Wow!  You do exist!"

#28: "He's been watching people to see if they're naughty or nice.  I'm telling you, sir, we can either prosecute him for spying, or use him as a character witness on a number of cases!"

#29: "No!  You're not real!  You're just a drawing by Tim Rickard!"

#30: "I don't care what you say!  I don't believe that the Christmas Eve deadline is real, and that the Joke's on You judge here is going to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day sorting out all of these entries for publication on the Day After Christmas!"

#31: "You're the Santa Claus portrayed by Billy Bob Thornton!"

#32: "It's simple.  If you don't have a passport, then you're here illegally!"

#33: "Well, let's put it this way.  You were the last one who saw Frosty alive!"

#34: "Aren't you special?  You have a town in Indiana named after you!"

#35: "This man's been trying to steal royalties from Bruce Springsteen!"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.

Your honor, my client pleads the 25th.

Cathy FiizGerald, Greensboro

1)  Isn't it true that it was RUDOLPH who told the Snow Man to take that Salty road that led to his death.

2)  Santa Claus is coming to Town………your cell phone indicated that You Never left the North Pole!

3)  Again and again she was Naughty ………and she still got her LIST!!!!!

Jim Lowry, High Point

" So you have no alibi for the evening of the 24th !"

Jonathan Sparrow-Greensboro

"The charges are breaking & entering, child labor law violation and cornering the coal market."

Phil Valla, Greensboro

We know you've stated you are the real Santa Claus.  However, would the real Santa Clause use Expedia?

Mike Perry, Eden

You use of innocent reindeer, my dear Mister Claus, is nothing but a case of "sleigh labor!"

Mike Perry, Eden

Confess!  You know where she is-  and by she, I mean Olive.  Olive, the other reindeer!

Mike Perry, Eden

So did you or did you not take the cookies from the cookie jar?

You've been accused of trespassing,breaking and entering and destruction of roof-tops

No,Mr.claus,Rudolf cannot serve as your alibi.

Carlos D'Agostino, Greensboro

“ Sir,you were clocked at a speed of 55 MPH in a 35 MPH speed limit zone”. “We find you guilty of charges.”

Ralph Walker, Greensboro

You were in caught in American airspace without a passport!  I bet you have a 'great' excuse' for that!

Mike Perry, Eden

Who are you really Santa, alias Saint Nicholas, alias Father Christmas, alias Kris Kringle?

Mike Perry, Eden

Who are you to judge naughty and nice- You enslave little people, abuse flying animals and break into millions of houses?

Mike Perry, Eden

How do you explain a "naughty children" folder found on your computer?

Mike Perry, Eden

Explain in what context you use the term "ho, ho, ho?"

Mike Perry, Eden

You do know that you're just a caricature created by Thomas Nast, don't you?

Mike Perry, Eden

That's your alibi?  You were eating cookies and milk at Bobbie's house?

Mike Perry, Eden

After so many years, why are you suing the Coca-Cola Company for copyright infringement?

Mike Perry, Eden

Tell us, Mr. Claus- how is it the Salvation Army has never heard of you?

Mike Perry, Eden

 Mr. Claus, have you ever turned over millions of names, addresses and wish lists to Google, Facebook or Amazon?

Mike Perry, Eden

Mr. Claus, you must give us the names of all your correspondence..  It's the ACLU for goodness sakes- they decide right and wrong, not you!

Mike Perry, Eden

You fit the description; Wearing red, out late, carrying bag into homes, coming out and driving off.

Teddy Sparks, Greensboro

Eat only the cookies provided, don’t assume you can raid the refrigerator.

Remember, you’re under oath. Were you kissing Mama?

Norma Kay, Greensboro

His eight tiny reindeer damaged my roof.

He left eight piles of reindeer poop on my lawn!

His sleigh is unlicensed!

Santa, St. Nick … how many aliases do you have?

I left him milk and cookies, but he drank my Chivas!

He did NOT fill my stocking with care.

These elves of yours … do they have green cards?

Bill Wallace, High Point

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