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The Joke's On You for 103114

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Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com by noon Wednesday, 110514

Welcome to the News & Record’s “Jokes on You” page. Here is this week’s cartoon for your caption consideration, and last week’s cartoon and entries for you amusement (see below). Feel free to post comments and ask questions.

Last week’s cartoon was – the giant syringe.

This week’s cartoon - the one you’ll be writing captions for – is the candy and psychiatrist.

LAST WEEK’S WINNER

"Boy, we are SO ready for Ebola!"

Karol Wolicki, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP

"Mr. Kong, it’s time for your flu shot.”

Steve Bernstein, Greensboro

“We just want to check your blood alcohol content, Ms. Lohan.”

Scott Tredwell, Advance

“Who’s your health care provider?”

Phil Koch, Greensboro

“OK, bring in the giant lollipop!”

Tim Tribbett

“This IS the small needle!”

Bill Wallace, High Point

“And you thought last year’s flu shot was bad!”

John Koppel, Greensboro

“All right, EBOLA! Let’s do this!”

Brandon Craven, Kernersville

“This won't hurt a bit.”

Henry, Greensboro

Kurt Gubitz, Chi Ill.

Vicki Sparrow

JUNIOR WINNER

That ought to cure Ebola.

Torian, Gillespie Park

JUNIOR RUNNER UP (I loved the goofiness of this one)

We're going to slow those kangaroos down!

De'Angelo, Gillespie Park

THE JUDGES ALSO LIKED …

All the judge’s votes are represented in the runner-ups, but, I just had to add this one – my favorite:

Bad news about your date with the 50-foot woman!

Bill Wallace, High Point

-------------------------------

BEST INSIDE JOKE

Rickard !!! Come out and take your medicine

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

Never!!!

"This is no joke, but it is on you."

John Koppel, Greensboro

We feel like needling Tim today.

Kurt Gubitz, Chi Il.

So what else is new?

"We need to hurry up and make this happen!  Deadline is approaching!"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

Let us give you the shot, and you can have Tim Rickard's autograph.  Rickard...Tim Rickard...you know, the one that draws the cartoons.  You'd rather have gummy bears?  Ok!

Mike Perry, Eden

But, wait! What if I forged Stephan Pastis’ signature … ?

Oh, quit your whining, you sound like Tim Rickard on a Sunday morning!

Mike Perry, Eden

Or any morning.

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE

Please put Nurse Ratched down, Mr. McMurphy.  It was only alcohol!

Mike Perry, Eden

We sold the film rights for this, one, and it's scheduled to be on Mystery Science Theatre 3000 next week!

Mike Perry, Eden

Are we qualified to give you an injection?  No, but we did sleep at a Holiday Express last night!

Mike Perry, Eden

It won't hurt that bad!  I swear, you're worse than Sheldon Cooper!

Mike Perry

"Say hello to my little friend"

Cooper Allen  9

#1: "Before we do this, we're going to take a break so that Dialing for Dollars can call someone and ask them for the count and the amount!"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

BEST/WORST PUN

“Talk about being a big shot!”

“Will you quit needling me?”

“What’s your point?”

Jim Ertner, Greensboro

BEST POEM

All the shots that you have to go through

Stop diseases. We know that it's true.

     Through a parent's two eyes,

     Needles sure aren't this size,

But they certainly are when you're two.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

SCHOOL/JR. ENTRIES (elementary / middle school)

Gillespie Park Junior entries, submitted by Louise Monroe

Mya: Where is the tree? I need to give it a shot.

Demea: What kind of rocket ship can you hold in your hand?

Chris: Why don't you give the ground a shot?

Torian: That ought to cure Ebola.

Travon: Well, for whatever comes my way, I'll need a needle.

    Now you are really sick!

    So they can have some medicine, people!

Jordan: You will have two bad shots.

De'Angelo: My giant shot will cure myself.

   We're going to slow those kangaroos down!

   Are you trying to kill those people?

"Say hello to my little friend"  Cooper Allen  9

-----------

THE REST

We need you to bend over!

Tim Tribbett

Now THAT'S what I call a full moon!

Tim Tribbett

We gonna need ramming speed!

Tim Tribbett

Ok, bring in the giant lollipop!

Tim Tribbett

1.  "You ignored the ounce of prevention, now get ready for the cure!"

2.  "This won't cure Ebola, but it will distract you from the fear of Ebola."

3.  "Listen, Godzilla, you big baby, this will prevent your catching the Kaiju flu."

4.  "The Raleigh legislature is requiring all Democrats to take a pre-election inoculation."

5.  "This is nothing compared to the shot you'd get from hunting with Cheney."

6.  "C'mon, Bigfoot, this will stop your runaway pituitary gland in its tracks."

7.  "It's just Visine, Cyclops, to get the red out."

8.  "It's been over four hours, Mr. Smith...good thing you contacted your doctor right away."

9.  "If you must visit North Korea, Mr. Rodman, you must be immunized."

10.  "I've got your diplomatic immunity right here, President Putin."

Scott Tredwell, Advance

1.  "We just want to check your blood alcohol content, Ms. Lohan."

2.  "OK, you swallowed the inflatable life raft - this is step one in the treatment protocol."

3.  "Hiccups cured?  Mission accomplished!"

4.  "Mr. Kong, if you insist on climbing buildings, we insist on air sickness shots."

5.  "You consumed 30 boxes of doughnuts, Mr. Smith; we need to counteract the glucose rush."

6.  "A politician with diarrhea?  This will ensure you never run again."

Scott Tredwell, Advance

Of course this is going to wipe out ebola! The President said so!

Just be thankful he doesn’t need a prostate exam.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Hey giant, you dropped some thing!

Tim Tribbett

That scared him back up the bean stalk!

Tim Tribbett

We're prepared to give you a giant Lolly!

Tim Tribbett

Your shoe is untied!

Tim Tribbett

Bend over, this won't hurt a bit.

Jean Twiselton Greensboro

Sir, I am ready to give Godzilla his rabies vaccine!

Juli Beck, Stokesdale

I can't believe Gulliver is covered by Lilliput's Obamacare!

The CDC reporting for duty at Mount Rushmore.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

"I like big butts and I cannot lie."

Ari Millner, New York, NY

My suggested caption for the men with the giant syringe is "Bend over Kong, this'll only hurt a minute".

 Albert M. Carter, Greensboro.

"Ok, King Kong bend over!"

"Mr. Hulk this won't hurt a bit."

Stephen Parsons, Kernersville

Prepare the giant bandaid!

Tim Tribbett

Take the shot! Head quarters refuses to "kiss it to make it better".

Tim Tribbett

"It's time for your hepatitis shot, Miss Kardashian!"

"I'm sorry, but it has to be in the rear, Miss Kardashian!"

Bob Beitzel, Greensboro

"I said, We're from the NCAA, we are here to see the UNC Athletic Director...."

Name.  Diamond Jim, Greensboro

I promise, it won't hurt a bit!

Drop your drawers and bend over!

It's the only shot we have!

Lynda Perry, Eden

Well, I see it's neither boxers or briefs!

Now, THAT'S a full moon!

Look, making a fist isn't really going to help!

I didn't know you went commando!

Really?  You went with a Kermit tattoo?

Mike Perry, Eden

Gomer Pyle, you come down here right now.  This won't hurt a bit!

Ginny Carpenter, High Point

"Listen up! It's this or Ebola!"

"He's always thought of himself as a big shot."

"And you thought last year's flu shot was bad!"

"Bend over."

"No need to roll up you sleeve."

"You're in the Army now."

"Not to worry. This will take care of everything."

"Calm down. We're gonna have a big time."

"Take a deep breath."

"Relax."

"Close your eyes."

"This is no joke, but it is on you."

John Koppel, Greensboro

"Very good, now turn around and bend over."

 Hal Koger, McLeansville

For heaven's sake, Glenn, it's a hypodermic, not the Chrysler Building!

Mike Perry, Eden

This won't hurt a bit.

Henry, Greensboro

"Nooo, not there--your arm!"

"Come down! There's a big shot here who wants to see you."

"I can't give you a cigarette. It will stunt your growth."

"Bend over!"

"You might feel a slight pinch."

Pat Foley, Homer Glen, Il.

"Unless your name is Jack, stop stalking us!"

"Don't knock anymore trees down--they make a loud noise in the forest."

"It's going to stop you from needling us."

"You got a bad altitude."

"Get your head out of the clouds!"

Pat Foley, Homer Glen, Il.

"We're from the government and we're here to help you."

"It's going to lower your BMI."

"Can you see Russia from there?"

"...followed by six weeks of radiation."

"Would it kill you to give it a shot?"

Pat Foley, Homer Glen, Il.

"For cryin' out loud Kong, that was just the alcohol swab you big baby...."

Lee Justice, Stokesdale

"Trust me;it's no big thing."

Luther Jackson, Stoneville

"Mr. Kong, it’s time for your flu shot.”

Steve Bernstein, Greensboro

"Boy, we are SO ready for Ebola!"

Karol Wolicki, Greensboro

1. The flu bug is really big this year.

2. Don't cry, honey, it's for the horse.

3. He's a doctor. It's part of his Halloween costume.

4. It keeps the kids away. He hates Halloween.

Dave Sheets, Greensboro

1.  “Who’s your HealthCare provider?”

2.  “If you don’t cry, you get a giant lollipop.”

3.  “Stop crying!  It’s only a little needle.”

Phil Koch, Greensboro

Where are you Kong?

Come out Bigfoot, we see your tracks.

Tom Conally, Gibsonville

Where's the plunger brigade?!

Tim Tribbett

"Looks like you were wrong.  It was easy to find this in the haystack."

Philippe Wiener, Greensboro

 “Alright EBOLA….. Let’s do this!”

Brandon Craven, Kernersville

“We’ve come up with our own medical plan for our leaders in Washington…”

Bob Langlais, Kernersville

 “No flu season is too big for us!  Bring it on!”

Bob Langlais, Kernersville

“Hey Obamacare – we got somethin’ for ya!”

Bob Langlais, Kernersville

“Dang this is heavy! What’s IN this thing?”

Bob Langlais, Kernersville

Please put Nurse Ratched down, Mr. McMurphy.  It was only alcohol!

Mike Perry, Eden

Where is the haystack?

We feel like needling Tim today.

This won't hurt a bit.

Kurt Gubitz, Chi Il

Roy Williams, your knowledge shot is ready.

Henry, Greensboro

You need to choose!  Right or left cheek?

Mike Perry, Eden

Just bend over Kong!  This won't hurt a bit.

Lloyd Lancaster, Greensboro

We sold the film rights for this, one, and it's scheduled to be on Mystery Science Theatre 3000 next week!                               

Mike Perry, Eden

Look, you.got tattoos, body piercings, and even body modifications.  Please quit whining about a flu shot!

Mike Perry, Eden

It's like a scene out of Moby Dick!

Mike Perry, Eden

Hey, I just remembered- there's a lunar eclipse tonight!

Mike Perry, Eden

You'll barely feel it ya big baby!

Tim Tribbett

We have the evidence against A Rod!

Tim Tribbett

Let the fourth annual physician olympics begin!

Tim Tribbett

It doesn't go in your arm.

Tim Tribbett

1.) We have Kenny Roger's Botox!

2.) Commence "Operation Distraction"

Tim Tribbett

A documentary showing the importance of pre-school vaccinations.

Lloyd Lancaster, Greensboro

It'll hurt more if you tense up like that!

Tim Tribbett

Ok, line up for flu shots.

 Don Rankin, Greensboro

"C'mon King Kong, the booster shot isn't that bad."

Arista Shelton, Greensboro

"This won't hurt a bit"

Vicki Sparrow

" Forget the co-pay"

Jonathan Sparrow-Greensboro

carreshiya lewis

Hashtag selfie

"But the doctor said that we had to increase your medication."

"But this is a lifetime flu shot."

"I know it's experimental, but someone has to try it."

"Just take this shot and we will stop needling you."

"This will hurt you more than it will hurt us."

"Come on down mother. I told you that little scratch would get infected."

"Godzilla, you've been very bad! Come down here & take your medicine."

"But the doctor knows best."

"But it is called a Super Flu Shot."

"If you think this will hurt, wait until you get your root canal!"

Vestal Palmer, Greensboro

I promise, Godzilla, you’ll get a cherry lollipop when it’s all over.

It’s always a “full moon” when Paul Bunyan gets his flu shot!

Come on, Jolly Green…Sprout took his without crying!

Kerin Plank, Greensboro

Billy, come on out. It won’t hurt

Ebola, we’ve got you surrounded

Attention ! All children must be vaccinated

It’s a shot in the dark

The only thing you have to fear is fear itself, and this big needle

We’ve got more where this came from

Rickard !!! Come out and take your medicine

The circus is coming to town

Early medical school training

Now where did that rhino go?

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

“Talk about being a big shot!”

“Will you quit needling me?”

“What’s your point?”

“What a stickler for punctuality.”

Jim Ertner, Greensboro

Immunization time!

Carlos D'Agostino,Greensboro

Time to inject some color into this scene.

Carlos D'Agostino, Greensboro

I'm here to administer flu shots. Who wants one?

LOL, does it hurt?

I promise you if you get this shot you will not contract the Ebola virus!

It's a very simple and quick procedure, just bend over!

Steve Nance, Gibsonville

"If you're a good boy, you'll get a lollipop."

Jack Allen  14

"You want us to put it where?"

Beth Allen Greensboro

"Now put down that car and bend over!”

Peter Allen  Greensboro

"Next time Kim Kardashian comes in for a vaccination, I vote we give her the shot in her arm instead."                    Ray Faust   Greensboro

Ready... aim... FIRE!

Mike Perry

Are we qualified to give you an injection?  No, but we did sleep at a Holiday Express last night!

Mike Perry, Eden

Take the shot and quit acting like a big baby!

Mike Perry, Eden

Yes. the Giants did win the World Series!

Mike Perry, Eden

No, the Giants didn't win the World Series!

Mike Perry, Eden

Oh, take the dang shot, or we'll start calling you the Amazing Colossal Wuss!

Mike Perry, Eden

Oh, for goodness sakes- take the shot.  Even a baby quits whining after a while!

Mike Perry, Eden

It won't hurt that bad!  I swear, you're worse than Sheldon Cooper!

Mike Perry

Let us give you the shot, and you can have Tim Rickard's autograph.  Rickard...Tim Rickard...you know, the one that draws the cartoons.  You'ld rather have gummy bears?  Ok!

Mike Perry, Eden

Oh, quit your whining, you sound like Tim Rickard on a Sunday morning!

Mike Perry, Eden

Just hurry up and take the shot!  It's not like you're one of the Kardashians!

Mike Perry, Eden

#1: "Before we do this, we're going to take a break so that Dialing for Dollars can call someone and ask them for the count and the amount!"

#2: "OK, big guy!  Time for your flu shot!"

#3: "We promise...You won't have to take your pants off in public this time!"

#4: The Ebola vaccine is now available.

#5: "If you take this like a good boy, you'll get a lollipop!"

#6: "This will hurt me more than it will hurt you!"

#7: "Yes, we will take you alive!"

#8: "Wait 'til Medical Waste sees this!"

#9: "Maybe we'll start showing this to kids before we give them their real shot so it won't seem to be as bad!"

#10: "We're going to have to get a good running start to puncture this guy!"

#11: "You know the rules...No sharing needles!"

#12: "We need to hurry up and make this happen!  Deadline is approaching!"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

Look out, Ebola! Here we come!

David E. Bohannon, High Point

Time for your flu shot, Mothra!

It’s either this, or a 500-pound suppository, Rodan.

You need a tetanus shot after eating that bridge, Rodan.

We’re with the CDC, Godzilla. You can’t invade the U.S. without this vaccination.

Believe me, Kraken, you don’t want to go in the East River without this!

Bad news about your date with the 50-foot woman!

This IS the small needle!

Would you rather have the four-foot pill?

Bill Wallace, High Point

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