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The Joke's On You for 010215

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Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com by noon Wednesday, 010715

Welcome to the News & Record’s “Jokes on You” page. Here is this week’s cartoon for your caption consideration, and last week’s cartoon and entries for you amusement (see below). Feel free to post comments and ask questions.

Last week’s cartoon was the Father Time 2014 cartoon. This week’s cartoon - the one you’ll be writing captions for – is dog prison visit.

LAST WEEK’S WINNER

“This is what you look like after 10,000 election commercials.”

Bill Wallace, High Point

RUNNERS-UP

“You will age more than a four-year term in the White House.”

Luther Jackson, Stoneville

“You’re in diapers when you start, and you’ll be in diapers when you finish.”

SJ Martin, Reidsville

“A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”

Jim Ertner, Greensboro

“Before I leave, I’m gonna need a few more billion from you.”

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

“I had people dumping ice buckets on themselves and setting themselves on fire. Try beating THAT!”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

“No.  You cannot have New Year’s Day off.”

Philippe Wiener, Greensboro

“Save the diaper. You’ll need it later.”

David Core, Greensboro

THE JUDGES ALSO LIKED (but, sorry, ran out of room in the newspaper … )

“Never use your birthday as a password, always clear your history, and never ever make a movie about North Korea’s leader!”

Mike Perry, Eden

-------------------------------

BEST INSIDE JOKE

"Yep, I'm resickled from last year."

Scott Tredwell, Advance

Rickard supports recycling. Why else has he reused the same cartoon so many times?

Henry, Greensboro

Hey Tim, can't you put a little razzle-dazzle on the old man for a change?

Marcia Minsky, OBRFC, Camarillo, CA

There are 3 things that will never happen- time travel, pigs flying and Rickard will never draw another original cartoon for the last week of the year.

Mike Perry, Eden

Recycling is great, unless it's a cartoon.

David Core, Greensboro

"Yes, it's the same old same old.  You and I appear here every year, me wearing the old year name, you wearing the new year name..."

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

I have a strange feeling I've been in this cartoon before...

Ken Sheldon, Elon

I have a strange feeling that that’s been pointed out before …

That blue blob behind us ? Don’t worry. It’s just a little ocean water rising

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

"Hey!  There's that magic hat Frosty was looking for!"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE

"'Tempus fugit' has become more of a personal philosophy for me."

"To paraphrase T. S. Eliot:  This is the way my year ends, not with a bang, but a Pamper."

Scott Tredwell, Advance

BEST/WORST PUNS

“A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”

Jim Ertner, Greensboro

In one year and out the other.

Pat Foley, Homer Glen, Ill.

BEST POEMS

'Cause of something we saw in great scads,

Twenty-fourteen was really quite bad.

      I'm sure you can relate

     Twenty-fifteen is great

Without all those political ads.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

EIGHT YEARS AGO AN ARTIST NAMED TIM.

STARTED A GAME THATI IS A GROWING GEM.

''JOKES ON YOU' IS ITS NAME.

NOW TIM AND HIS GAME ENJOY WORLD WIDE FAME.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY;

 Don Rankin, Greensboro

Timmy, you’re young and new

If during the year, you need something to do

You can enter the Joke’s on You.

Teddy Sparks, Greensboro

SCHOOL/JR. ENTRIES (elementary / middle school)

Schools out for winter break.

-----------

THE REST

"I wish you luck son - I wish you luck!"

 Priscilla Schuster, Oak Ridge

"You will age more than a four year term in the White House."

Luher Jackson, Stoneville

My first thought when I saw the cartoon was this:

"Just saying, last year this time I looked like you!"

Pat Grant, High Point

It took all year to earn this scythe.

The good thing about this job it its a year long commitment.

Time flies when you earn your scythe

You cant have the hat and the scythe, choose one!

The path to the future is yours now.

Next year you can have champagne.

Peggy Koppel, Greensboro

 “A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”

Jim Ertner, Greensboro

I'll show you where I keep the hand sanitizer.

Tim Tribbett

"I've moved on".

Libby Jones, Cashiers

"What's next?"

Dorothy Jones, Hickory

When did you last change your daiper?

Garson Moore. Greensboro

"You're odd!"

Marty Jones, Cashiers

"Remember, just be in the moment"

Mary Jones, NYC

"Where do I start?"

Libby Jones. Cashiers

"Let it go, Grandpa. 2014 is not frozen in time."

Janice Plumblee, Burlington

It's a long road son, but it passes quickly …

Bob Hege, Greensboro

"You age quickly in this job, kid."

Kathy, Greensboro

"Don't blame me, kid. I'm just the timekeeper."

Ira Ross, Greensboro

"I keep tellin ya', kid:  he's fat and he wears red."

Ira Ross, Greensboro

"No sweat, kid. Just put one day in front of the other."

Ira Ross, Greensboro

"No sweat, kid.  Just put one day in front of the other."

Ira Ross, Greensboro

"Don't sweat it,kid. Just put one day in front of the other."

Ira Ross, Greensboro

"Kid, you pull my beard one more time and I'll make you repeat the Ice Age."

Ira Ross, Greensboro

1.  "Yep, I'm resickled from last year."

2.  "I was excited when 2014 started - thought my predecessor was going to a toga party."

3.  "My advice?  Stay on all fours - you'll make a smaller target."

4.  "I was feeling kinda old until I saw pictures of Obama from 2008."

5.  "If you're lucky, all the states will have approved medical marijuana in 2015."

6.  "I'll bequeath you my unused Depends."

7.  "'Tempus fugit' has become more of a personal philosophy for me."

8.  "I've gone from 'tempus fugit' to 'tempus fuggedaboutit.'"

9.  "I'll come back to photobomb you from time to time."

10.  "Maybe you'll evolve into Rich Uncle Pennybags, the Monopoly guy."

11.  "Keep a copy of your birth certificate for Trump."

12.  "I've got a lunch appointment with Dick Clark."

13.  "Thought I'd finish the year bashing the Times Square dropping ball like a pinata."

14.  "To paraphrase T. S. Eliot:  This is the way my year ends, not with a bang, but a Pamper."

15.  "Kid, given Ebola, ISIS, drones and political candidates...run far and hide deep."

16.  "I'd like to stick around to act surprised when Hillary announces, but I lack the energy."

17.  "I had reservations with Richard Branson to get off this rock, but...."

18.  "I'll leave you with an Indiana Jonesish quote:  'It's not the year, it's the mileage.'"

19.  "It's a jungle out there...or maybe a mine field - I'd invest in Kevlar."

20.  "Wish I could stay to see how Colbert's personae changes."

Scott Tredwell, Advance

"Kid, pull my beard one more time and I'll make you repeat the Ice Age."

Ira Ross, Greensboro

I hope you don't age as quickly as I did waiting for Congress to do something good for this country.

2. Stay out of the Sun!

3.Don't be afraid!  2015 can only get better!!

Karen Robbins, Greensboro

In one year and out the other.

And that's the long and the short of it, sonny.

You remind me of...me.

Start out slowly and taper off.

Baby steps, son, baby steps.

Pat Foley, Homer Glen, Ill.

Yes this job ages you

you're in diapers when you start and you'll be in diapers when you finish

don't be in such a hurry I was your age when I started

no you can't trade me the hat for the sickle

Sj martin, Reidsville

"You're gonna need a paci."

"Uh-oh. Time for a change."

"It's for hacking through overgrown political bullsh......"

"Do I detect a grim diaper?"

"I asked for a lightweight string trimmer, but noooo......"

"It's...er... for shaving. Most unwieldy, I must say."

C. Ross

You’re right, son. I kept wearing those rose colored glasses

I wish I could give you more to work with

Good luck. You’re gonna need it

Before I leave I’m gonna need a few more billion from you

Tighten that diaper

Beware of sure things

Don’t buy any shorefront property

Make everyone do something

Superglue your purse strings

I know I borrowed a lot from you. You’ll just have to work harder

You’ve got a whole year to screw it up

Be like me. Pass it on to the next generation

If they can print it there’s no harm in spending it

It’ll be warm enough to wear what you have on all year long

That blue blob behind us ? Don’t worry. It’s just a little ocean water rising

Go forth and multiply. It could be possible there is enough for everyone

Money ? Go ahead and spend it as fast as possible and then print some more

My time is over now and yours might be sooner than you think

Give everyone what they want

Sweat the small stuff

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

It's time we both took a powder.

Trust me, it always grows old, son.

And they call me a short timer.

Save the date.

Pat Foley, Homer Glen, Ill.

Trust me - this job ages you really quickly.

I have a strange feeling I've been in this cartoon before...

Ken Sheldon, Elon

#1: "I don't mean to upset you, but, this time next year, you're going to look just like me!"

#2: "If you see a full moon, be careful.  It might be Kim Kardashian!"

#3: "Will somebody please change this kid's diaper?"

#4: "I know you're just a baby, but, if you're going to go to a formal party, you need to dress up better than that!"

#5: "The good news is you won't have any high profile elections.  The bad news is 2016 will try to get a jump on you!"

#6: "Son, don't party too hard, or else you're going to end up looking like me!"

#7: "In a few weeks, people will expect you to begin shooting hearts, bows, and arrows!"

#8: "I don't know why they make me carry this sickle around.  I mean, what am I going to do?  Kill somebody?"

#9: "Yeah, I know what you mean.  Where did all of those attractive women and New Year's Eve party revelers go?"

#10: "Yes, it's the same old same old.  You and I appear here every year, me wearing the old year name, you wearing the new year name..."

#11: "Hey!  There's that magic hat Frosty was looking for!"

#12: "Don't sweat the New Year's resolutions.  Everybody's forgotten them by now anyway!"

#14: "Happy New Year!"

#15: "Where is Guy Lombardo when you need him?"

#16: "Well, unfortunately, the holiday season is winding down, and we won't have any more holidays for...another two weeks, when we celebrate Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s, birthday!  I just hope you can make it until then!"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.

Have you heard, eternity is replacing us everyday ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Don't worry, everybody in Time's Square wears a diaper too !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Just remember, predictions aren't history unless it really happens !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO to you too kid !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Go for it kid, 20,000 DOW and 20 Trillion Debt !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Don’t look now but your diaper is leaking.

This scythe is no good for shaving with.

Nobody told what this scythe is for.

You’ll soon grow old and tired like me!

Your enthusiasm is so touching.

Do you think you’ll be dry by February?

Keith Peddie, Greensboro

If you get audited, just tell them your hard drive crashed. That's what they did...

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Are Those “Pull-up’s” for me or for you?

Louis T.

"I tried to pass through North Carolina, but the GOP turned me back."

C. Ross

Well kid, take a good look, cause this will be you in 365 days.

Hey Tim, can't you put a little razzle-dazzle on the old man for a change?

Marcia Minsky, OBRFC, Camarillo, CA

Rickard supports recycling. Why else has he reused the same cartoon so many times?

Henry, Greensboro

I had people dumping ice buckets on themselves and setting themselves on fire. Try beating THAT!

Ken Sheldon, Elon

"As for going forward in North Carolina ... good luck with that."

"No, I'm more like the anti-Claus."

"I'm off to spend eternity with my favorite earth mo ... uh ... Mother Earth."

"Aren't you the kid I saw pulling on Santa's beard?"

C. Ross

"It will be a quiet year … no campaign commercials."

Jonathan Sparrow, Greensboro

Walk slowly and carry a big stick.

Can you believe that one year from now, you may look like me?

Don Rankin, Greensboro

At least I can finally leave quarantine.

Tim Tribbett

In my day gas was over $3 a gallon!

Tim Tribbett

I'm back to diapers myself.

Tim Tribbett

North Korea hacked my email.

Tim Tribbett

Save the diaper, you'll need it later.

You'll be eligible for AARP by August.

At least it's not an election year.

Recycling is great, unless it's a cartoon.

Open an IRA right away.

Stay away from the online dating sites.

Don't take things slow in the romance department.

Better hope this isn't a leap year.

Don't stop and smell the roses.

David Core, Greensboro

"No.  You cannot have New Year's Day off."

Philippe Wiener, Greensboro

"Try not to drop the ball until next New Year's Eve."

Philippe Wiener, Greensboro

Hey '14', I already 'walk softly', but I think I'm gonna need that 'big stick' of yours!!

Bill Nichols

Never use your birthday as a password, always clear your history, and never ever make a movie about North Korea's leader!

Mike Perry, Eden

"Fasten your seatbelt, kid."

Larry Parrish,  Eden

It's weird- I remember 2014 like it was yesterday!

Mike Perry, Eden

When you get this old, you forget what happened last year. Second, when you get this old you forget what happened last year.

Mike Perry, Eden

What am I going to miss?  Rob Ford, Justin Bieber and Robin Williams!

Mike Perry, Eden

There are 3 things that will never happen- time travel, pigs flying and Rickard will never draw another original cartoon for the last week of the year.

Mike Perry, Eden

My last words of advice?  When you are faced with a problem there's always an app for it!

Mike Perry, Eden

“This is what you look like after 10,000 election commercials.”

Can I borrow a few of your diapers?

It’s not whether you win or lose. It’s how you look on social media.

I’ll show up now and then when they’re writing checks for awhile.

Bill Wallace, High Point

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