Skip to main contentSkip to main content
You have permission to edit this article.


  • 0

We’re also not even a year into his presidency, Joe Biden. Don’t worry, he’s like Grandpa at the wheel. He’ll get us there; it’ll just happen very slowly with the blinker on the whole ride.

— Jimmy Kimmel

That was before Congress passed the infrastructure bill, though. And if anything can get the American people fired up, it’s infrastructure.

— Jimmy Kimmel

The poll did have one bit of good news for Biden: He’s not Kamala Harris.

— Stephen Colbert

Kamala Harris has an approval rating of 28%, which ... makes no sense, because she basically has nothing to do. I mean, it’s like criticizing a backup quarterback: "Tom Brady is OK — I don’t love the way Blaine Gabbert has his legs folded on the bench.”

— Jimmy Kimmel

Kamala’s approval rating of 28% is even lower than the 30% who approved of Dick Cheney in 2008 after he shot a guy in the face.

— Jimmy Kimmel

It is Veterans Day here in the United States, the day on which we honor the men and women who served and fought in wars to defend our country so the rest of us can fight on Facebook.

— Jimmy Kimmel

The closest most of us have come to a war zone is shopping on Black Friday at T.J. Maxx.

— Jimmy Fallon

Yup, the only people who have seen more combat than you guys are flight attendants on Southwest.

— Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday, the NFL fined Rodgers and the Packers for violating COVID-19 protocols. Phew. Now that COVID protocols are being enforced, we can get back to safely enjoying the beautiful game of 300-pound men crushing each other’s spines like a sleeve of Ritz crackers.

— Stephen Colbert

Rodgers attended a Halloween party despite being unvaccinated, for which the NFL fined him $14,650. Which sounds like a lot of money, but it’s the equivalent of fining an average American $33.80 — or one beer at a Packers game.

— Stephen Colbert

Just to put that in perspective, CeeDee Lamb of the Cowboys was fined more than $15,000 for having an untucked jersey. So once again, the league’s priorities are in perfect order.

— Jimmy Kimmel

And like any innocent person, Trump told his people not to cooperate with law enforcement at all. So Bannon defied a congressional subpoena to testify, and this morning, he turned himself in, arriving at an FBI office looking like he’d already served 10 years in prison.

— Trevor Noah

Also, it really undercuts your attempt at defiance and bravado when there’s a guy right behind you holding up a sign that says "Coup plotter.”

— Seth Meyers

* I understand and agree that registration on or use of this site constitutes agreement to its user agreement and privacy policy.

Related to this story

Most Popular

Former President Trump has announced that he plans tomorrow to make a "very big announcement." That’s right, he’s very excited to announce tha…

Get up-to-the-minute news sent straight to your device.


Breaking News

News Alert