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Today, I saw Sarah McLachlan snuggling a person with COVID asking pets to help.

All the major news outfits — CBS, NBC, ABC, MSNBC, CNN — will be covering the hearings live, while the Fox News channel will stay with its usual prime-time lineup. Well, that’s actually good. No, it’s actually good. We’ll hear directly from the people who planned the coup. — Stephen Colbert Americans like entertainment; Congress wants Americans to pay attention to politics. Those two don’t mix. But there is one person who can make political machinations interesting for the masses; there is only one man: Lin-Manuel Miranda. — Trevor Noah Fox News announced this week that it will not air carry live coverage of Congress’s prime time hearings over the Capitol attack. To focus on more important news like, “Would it kill Mulan to wear a dress?” — Seth Meyers Yeah, they’re going to be spending all night talking about the real culprit: (imitating Tucker Carlson) “Why is nobody talking about how Congress has too many doors? If there was only one door in and out, this never would have happened. The crowd would have peacefully dispersed after hanging Mike Pence, huh?” — Trevor Noah Of course Fox isn’t airing it — they’re a key suspect in it. They would be — that would be like if Court TV’s coverage of the O.J. trial had been hosted by O.J. — Seth Meyers You know who is going to be torn about the coverage of this? Donald Trump. Yeah, ’cuz think about it: On the one hand, he doesn’t want anyone to know what he did on Jan. 6, but on the other hand, you know he would love his hearings to get the highest ratings of all time. You know it. He’s going to be out there like (imitating Trump) “Don’t watch the hearings, folks. The fake news is saying I overthrew the government, which I didn’t do. But it was the biggest overthrow of all time, but I didn’t do it.” — Trevor Noah It’s like “Stranger Things” — we met the monster years ago, and we’re pretty sure the Russians are involved. — Stephen Colbert According to a new study, dogs are more effective at detecting COVID than rapid tests. I’m glad we’ve reached the point in the pandemic where the CDC is like, “I don’t know, dogs?” — Jimmy Fallon Knowing the CDC, in two days, they’re going to be like, “Never mind, it’s actually rabbits, I’m sorry.” — Jimmy Fallon — Jimmy Fallon
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