Skip to main content
You have permission to edit this article.
Edit
Nightlines
0 Comments

Nightlines

  • 0
{{featured_button_text}}

Poison-control centers across the country have seen a spike in calls from people taking livestock medicine to fight the coronavirus, but they won’t take the vaccine, which is crazy. It’s like if you’re a vegan and you’re like, "No, I don’t want a hamburger — give me that can of Alpo instead.”

— Jimmy Kimmel

One of the reasons these Sea Biscuits are opting for ivermectin is because they don’t trust "big pharma." Which is fine, I guess, except for the fact that ivermectin is made by Merck, which is the fourth-largest pharmaceutical company in the world.

— Jimmy Kimmel

Listen, if a pharmaceutical company says, "Please don’t take the drug we’re selling," you should probably listen to them. Or you could just go with a TikTok posted by a disgraced veterinarian instead.

— Jimmy Kimmel

Biden said it’s time to stop horsing around — and then he was like, "No, seriously, stop taking horse medicine.”

— James Corden

But, still, I don’t know, like a quarter of the country thinks herd immunity means they should be taking livestock medicine instead of the vaccination.

— Jimmy Kimmel

Tomorrow, President Biden is giving a major speech on the next phase of his pandemic response. Americans said they can’t wait to hear the speech, and then crowded into a bar for tomorrow’s NFL kickoff.

— Jimmy Fallon

Biden will lay out a six-pronged strategy. And apparently one prong is building a border wall between the U.S. and Florida.

— Jimmy Fallon

This really does feel like when your dad stops threatening and actually does turn the car around.

— James Corden

I read that surgeons successfully removed a Nokia cellphone from a man’s body after he swallowed it whole. The kids were so embarrassed. They’re like, "Dad, please swallow an iPhone next time.”

— Jimmy Fallon

Even worse, after four days, the man still had zero notifications.

— Jimmy Fallon

When reached for a comment, the man said he didn’t swallow it — it was just the worst butt dial ever.

— Jimmy Fallon

0 Comments

Catch the latest in Opinion

* I understand and agree that registration on or use of this site constitutes agreement to its user agreement and privacy policy.

Get up-to-the-minute news sent straight to your device.

Topics

Breaking News